Growing On Me
by fatalis-stille
Summary: Akabane x Ban. Akabane's away and Ban's libido is killing him. Slowly.


Disclaimer : Don't own the Get Backers. The song is owned by The Darkness. It's titled Growing On Me.

Author's Note : Something that happens after Stillness and Silence and Talk of the Town. It's my first attempt at humor, so please be nice when you review. 

Summary : Akabane's gone for a few days and Ban's libido is killing him slowly.

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Growing On Me

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Raven hair, black as the pits of hell and softer than the silk camisole that Hevn was wearing. Ban could almost feel it sliding between his fingers, almost see it brushing past from the corner of his peripheral vision every time he turned his head.

**_ // I can't get rid of you. //_**

"Shit."

**_ // I don't know what to do. //_**

What the hell was wrong with him?!?

He. Needed. To. Forget. 

He'd been trying to do it for days now and he was still unsuccessful. He did everything he could think of, tried working overtime, watching TV, reading books, clubbing, playing chess, but everything was failing him and he was on the very end of his rope. He was going crazy bit by bit, driven bonkers by the lack of sex he was getting because Akabane was out of town.

He should really stop frustrating himself.

**_ // I don't even know whose growing on who //_**

But it wasn't so easy. Every time he closed his eyes, he'd see a shit-eating grin directed at him from the formless darkness. Every time he'd try to listen to the radio, sarcastic laughter echoed in the background of the song. Even food was not safe from his hallucinations. 

His chopsticks would turn into a pair of knives whenever he looked at them.

Ban hit his head again on the marble countertop with a heavy thud.

He was very, very screwed.

**_ // Cause everywhere I go you're there //_**

He could feel the concerned look Natsumi was throwing his way from the sink she was chopping a few potatoes in, could feel the suspicious glare Hevn was shooting from the booth she was at, could hear the soft snickers that came from the corner Shido was lurking in, and could tell Paul was busting a side trying to contain his cries of agony whenever his head crashed onto the marble countertop. 

He couldn't get himself to care. He'd do this until he stopped seeing black cats walking around with black hats, until everybody would stop wearing white gloves, until no one walked out the door with a nearly inaudible 'swish' in their step, until-

"Ban-chan….?"

Thank god somebody pulled him out of the nightmare he was burying himself inch by inch in. He looked up into the concerned eyes of his partner, and for a moment, the vibrant green eyes that he was so familiar with morphed into a translucent shade of lavender.

No, no no! NO! I am not seeing him! 

Ban could feel his fingers twitching with the urge to rip out his scalp.

** // _Can't get you out of my hair //_**

"What Ginji?" He plastered a smile on his face, albeit even though even he knew that it looked unconvincing and really forced.

The blonde shuffled uneasily on his feet. 

"Anou, you seem a little distracted today. Are you alright?"

He shook his head a little to vigorously. Of course he was alright! His raging unsatisfied sex-drive wasn't bothering him the least! No siree!

"It's nothing. I just need to get some air." He stood up from the stool a little shakily and started for the door. Yeah, a walk. The breeze might just blow everything away if he was lucky. Blow it to the sky and up to heaven where luckily, Kami might just fart on it and send it flying into the farthest reaches of the galaxy.

Oh shut up, Ban. Now you sound stupid.

**_ // Can't pretend that I don't care – it's not fair. //_**

"See you in a bit, Ginji." He waved goodbye and shut the door quickly behind him, and started walking, with no real direction in mind

What the hell did he do to deserve this?

**_ // I'm being punished for all my offences _**

**_ I wanna touch you but I am afraid of the consequences//_**

He must have been evil in his past life. Did he rob a bank? Blow up a village? Steal some baby's bottle? Jaywalk? A passing truck nearly ran him over as the traffic light turned green when he wasn't looking.

"Get out of the way, you moron!" The driver yelled at him while he passed and gave him the finger. Ban had the strongest urge to let Snakebite lash out and make a large dent in the side of the 18 wheeler.

You dare insult Mido Ban, the unbeatable fighter of the invincible duo, the Get Backers?!? I'll break your finger off and shove it up your ass if you so much as breathe on me, asswipe!

The sarcastic side of his personality told him that he was acting like a dunce, and was thoroughly whapped on the head by his pride with a metal pole. His sane side emerged from the bloody mess and managed to control him, barely, and manipulated his limbs towards his and Akabane's apartment.

He didn't know if hitting a few lamp posts was part of his sane side's idea to wake him back up to reality.

**_ // I wanna banish you from whence you came_**

**_ But you're a part of me now_**

**_ And I've only got myself to blame. // _**

Why couldn't he have just gotten a girlfriend for crying out loud? Some sweet, law-abiding girl from the neighborhood who wasn't insane and wouldn't try to slice him up whenever he felt like it? Someone NORMAL, for heaven's sake. Why'd he have to fall in lust with a damn psychotic madman who stared at you like a cat and who wore unnatural clothing that made him look like a woman?

He must have been hit by temporary insanity while he was deciding.

**_ // You're really growing on me_**

**_ Or am I growing on you?_**

**_ Any fool can see. //_**

People looked at him apprehensively as he passed. Maybe it was because he was growling obscenities underneath his breath while he walked by, or because of the aura of total irritation he was giving off like a light from a neon sign in Las Vegas. Whatever the case, it didn't stop him from traversing around Shinjuku with a gray thundercloud hanging ominously from his head.

The lollipop from the mouth of a random child dropped when he crossed the street and nearly crushed the face of the car that almost hit him.

"Mommy! Mommy! I saw someone just trash a car with his bare hands!"

**_ // Sleeping in an empty bed //_**

Finally, he reached his apartment. He plopped down on the covers and buried his head in the pillows, hiding his face from the sunlight and the whole world, trying to erase from his memory the need that was gnawing steadily at his sanity. They cotton covers were soft, comforting, felt cool and… and…

They smelled like Akabane.

"AAAAAAAARRRGHHH!!!!!" His scream of rage made a few mothers in the general vicinity drop the plates they'd been washing and a few dogs cringe in pain.

Feathers began flying everywhere the next few moments in his apartment.

**_ // Can't get you off my head //_**

****

**** Finally, after a few tattered pillowcases and no more useable form of energy, Ban dropped to the floor like a stone. The scent was still there, and now was more tangible because the air-conditioning was making it circulate around the room.

His sarcastic side was cackling gleefully in the back of his head, rolling around and holding its sides in pain from all the laughing.

This wasn't going to end anytime soon, was it?

**_ // I won't have a life until you're dead _**

**_ Yes, you heard what I said //_**

****

**** A drink. 

Ban sat up slowly from his prostate position and crawled to the cabinet where he had all his liquor stocked. He needed something to keep his mind off of Akabane. And the word fuck, which Ban had christened as his last name.

A minor headache began throbbing in his temple as his fingers curled on the neck of the first bottle his fingers felt. ****

Cheers.

He downed half of it in one desperate gulp.

**_ // I wanna shake you off but you just won't go_**

**_ And you're all over me but I don't want anyone to know. //_**

****

Back at the Honky Tonk…

"What do you think's wrong with Ban-chan?" The question came from a very worried Ginji, who directed his lost puppy-dog eyes at Shido, the only one who seemed to have some sort of idea about the whole thing.

Shido looked as though he were trying to hold in a whole hurricane in his face as he tried to prevent from laughing out loud.

"Do you know anything, Shido-kun?" 

The back of Shido's head answered him as his shoulders hunched up a little as mad fits of laughter began racking through his vocal chords.

"I think it's got something to do with his… personal life." Ideas of how he was going to screw the Snakeman over began running around Shido's head, bouncing like demented puppies on a sugar high. 

Revenge was so sweet. The animal tamer felt like he had the whole world in the palm of his hand. Or rather, Ban's pride on a silver platter.

"You mean love life?" This time, it was Hevn who asked the question, curiosity piqued by the topic. It was not everyday one got news about Ban's current flavors of the week. This was bound to be interesting.

"Do tell, Shido-kun."

**_ // And you're attached to me that's how you've grown_**

**_ Won't you leave me, leave me alone //_**

A few minutes later…

"….so to summarize things, Ban's seeing someone he doesn't like but is magnetically attracted to. He's in denial even though they're screwing like bunnies…" Shido paused in thought.

"…wait, I just dishonored the rabbits. They're screwing like loose nails on a door, last time I heard."

Natsumi and Ginji's eyes were wide as saucers, their innocence fully smashed, Hevn had an evil look on her face that read 'torture' in seven different languages, and Paul didn't care unless the word 'yen' was mentioned. 

Even though they didn't know that Shido told them the wrong reason for Ban's behavior, it suited them fine because it was more or less connected to the truth. What bothered them thought was the fact that they still didn't know who Ban was seeing …

Shido had kept that to himself, thinking about blackmailing Ban for it in the future.

**_ // You're really growing on me_**

**_ Or am I growing on you?_**

**_ Any fool can see //_**

Eight bottles of vodka, a whole fridge of beer and 5 shots of gin later…

"I think you're bad for my work ethics, Mido-kun."

Lips descended down to kiss him on the mouth, and he replied back with equal fervor.

"You're… bad… for mine… too." He managed to say in between breaths.

"Maybe we should talk about this?" Fingers delved inside his white shirt and started massaging his torso while he felt his own hands start undoing the front of Akabane's trenchcoat. He let out a strangled gasp as he felt a nail scrape his nipple.

"We'll talk about it later, after we've effing satisfied my libido." He nipped impatiently at Akabane's earlobe, trying to get him to hurry up and stop dicking around. Four days of no sex was something he couldn't just forget easily.

The same peal of laughter that had haunted him the past few days resounded near his ear, but this time, it didn't agitate him so much. 

**_ // You're really growing on me_**

**_ Or am I growing on you?_**

**_ Any fool can see //_**

The stupid bastard must be growing on him.

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End.

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Weird humor piece I thought up while listening to the said song. Tell me if my humor attempts suck. :D hahahahaha.

-fatalis


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